so where does it go from here?: 2013

Why you wake up at 5;30 am to freak and go Shit! im late for work!
only to then realize you are actually 11 hours early.
and the only contact you've had is amy key breaking down on Facebook 2 days before her birthday.
I guess it Kinda struck me then tbh.
Like i always said, she did always go out and spend her money on anything but me. So that we couldn't go out uptown together (you never did let us!) and then fall out with me when i spent money on her and ended things because she was to dependent on me.
The issue really.. so she did it again.. Yeah thats nothing new, but at the same time im trying my ass off to be there as a friend or attempt in my own pathetic way to get you back, you find a guy and take him home (well go to his but still) look really The Thing is now i realise that out of the billion guys who are out there.. That the one guy, who loves you, Simply isnt the one you want to be with anymore.
Otherwise why would every opportunity away from him be so appealing.
The problem is, you fight with yourself that you still love me.

My question is.
What did i really do that was so bad?
So you want to be my friend and cannot talk to me but you can go shag another guy.

You won't sit down for 10 min to talk to me in person or on the phone or the worlds longest essay so that i can understand and carry on, i have to sit and wait until its all alright with you. I know you find it hard talking, but im pretty sure if there was anyone you can trust.. you know where i am.

I have a bed with your stains.. But no one to show for it.
If i had sex with someone else.. Would they're be any coming back from that?
or is they no hope anyway?

My problem is,
Im kinda having enough of feeling like a tool,
I love you to bits but being made to feel like shit.
My problem is, i guess one day im going to give up on you.
Give up on the chance that the one person in my life who made me truly happy and i'm pretty sure i did for you, no longer wants me in their life..
So what happened? Really? because i wish i knew.
I guess really its time to talk or know that you didn't really give love everything you had.

You mentioned you where scared because you were thinking about not going and staying with me..
You wouldn't be the only one in the family to do so. Guess they were pretty happy! But still! it was not an option for me..
Well you know how loved that made a guy feel. But at the same time.. Wait a min.. Err no your not!
You are going to follow your dream miss plant. Even if i have to kick you up the ass every step of the way!

I guess everyday you can think about me less and less and it can kinda begins to hurt a little less. But really you have to ask yourself, is it was you want, do you want to end it. Think about how it was. how awesome it was. then make up your mind. I guess ultimately there is nothing i can do.
I just want to thank-you for actually looking at how i feel.

Love doesn't mean lets go buy a house, have kids, do anything serious,
Love means i know i love you and i want to be with you.
surely anything else is a formality.

You Deserve to be happy. Where ever that takes you. Go do what you want to. I'm pretty sure it wasn't with me. But if you want to be friends, perhaps you need to start being one.

Thank-you for everything

so where does it go from here?

Thursday, 30 May 2013

Girl